just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
