This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
