did you get engaged???
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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