I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
