How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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