Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
