i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
