his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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