Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
