I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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