we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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