Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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