help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
