Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
