some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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