I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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