: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
