I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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