Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
