I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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