Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
