1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize