Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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