i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
