he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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