i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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