It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
