It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
