and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
