Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
