All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
