forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
