I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have fence marks all over my body
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
