Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.