What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
