maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
