what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I party with great urgency now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
