I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
