..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
