I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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