Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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