it hurts more in the daytime
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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