all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
