i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
