I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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