Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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