So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
