I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
