What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
