I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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