It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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