Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
