party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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