I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
