Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
