That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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