i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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