On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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