somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
